I’ve been trying to sleep but I can’t. I’ve been thinking about you.
You’ve been my only son, my little boy, for almost 14 years. But sometimes I feel as if I don’t know you. What are you thinking? What are you feeling?
I look into your eyes, and sometimes I have such a sense of connection with you. Your eyes smile back at me, we exchange something.
But other times you are distant, blank. Where do you go?
I try so hard to make you laugh, to play a game with you that will capture your interest, that will break into your world. But when your mind is elsewhere, when you are not yourself, you don’t respond. I know it’s not your fault. But it is hard.
Sometimes I get angry with you. When you won’t calm down, when you won’t respond. I’m sorry. I know it’s not your fault, but sometimes I just get frustrated, tired, annoyed.
I wish I could be a better Mum for you. I love you so much, and you are such a beautiful boy, such a lovely boy.
Please be patient with me. Don’t get angry.
No matter how old you get, how big you get, I always want to be able to sit you on my knee. To cuddle you and sing with you.
You will always be my special little boy.
Don’t forget that I love you.
Mum.
I have a son who is special needs. He is my third child out of four. I love him so much. He is undiagnosed. We have just been told he is categorized as severe mental retardation. When I read it, I cried, he is still the same little boy he was before the “labeling”, so I don’t know why it bothered me so much.
Thank you for sharing your story. It made me cry but it helped me with seeing there are other people who feel the same way. thank you again
By: Noreen on September 5, 2008
at 9:24 am
Yeah, I think it helps to read other people’s stories and perhaps to feel less alone, less isolated. Good to hear from you. And I’m glad that sharing my story has been helpful in some way.
By: self on September 5, 2008
at 4:34 pm